


Four Times the Courier Failed to Get Someone Nicely Braised For Dinner and One Time They Succeeded

by Believerindaydreams (deepandlovelydark)



Category: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Drabble Collection, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29971557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepandlovelydark/pseuds/Believerindaydreams
Summary: Because let's face it, your companions wouldn't stop being badasses just because they've been locked in a freezer and left to die horribly.
Kudos: 9





	Four Times the Courier Failed to Get Someone Nicely Braised For Dinner and One Time They Succeeded

1\. Veronica 

She always wondered whether Six would notice her suspiciously low carry weight- her, with the strongest punch this side of Hidden Valley! Strength's hardly the problem, but carrying around a full set of Brotherhood power armor disguised as scrap metal kinda was. 

In retrospect, maybe she should have been worrying about bigger things. Like the whole "why don't we hear out these cannibals" thing. Yeah. Oh well, learn from experience.

Veronica clambers into the familiar armor- she's not used it in combat much, but that's what VR training's for. Just let anybody try to crack it open, this'll be fun. 

2\. Cass

The Courier tells the cooks what to expect. "Just leave plenty of whiskey and soda in there, she'll drink herself to death. It's her way." 

They're not completely convinced after the death toll extorted by the last candidate, but Cass seems simple enough. Best quality Old World brew with a sage infusion for flavour, elegant and tasty for the table. 

Unfortunately, what they see upon opening the door is a barrage of Nuka-Cola cocktail grenades. 

The upstairs patrons aren't expecting that either, but Cass treats them to a few leftover explosions before stomping out, hat on and head held high.

3\. Boone

"He's chronically depressed. You should find it a cinch."

They're having their doubts now, not least whether stress will unduly influence the meat quality, but NCR First Recon is the kind of quality suitable to the Ultra-Luxe's reputation. If they can pull this off, it'll be exactly the showstopper desired.

However, they have learned from the previous attempts. A couple of heavies from the Omertas are discreetly drafted in, only for the survivors to disclaim all responsibility for the resulting massacre and unkempt bloodstains.

"The hell kind of security you got here, letting a fink with a minigun in? Amateurs."

4\. Arcade

"Look, even on your own terms this is idiotic. You can't butcher me and serve me the same night, I'll taste foul! Wild game needs to be hung before preparation, just look at gecko steak." 

Embarrassed shuffling. He's not wrong and they know it. 

"If them upstairs want to eat half-cooked flesh with the blood in, that's their problem," someone eventually pipes up. It's half-hearted. 

"Mmm. Say, how would you enjoy cooking somewhere a bit less murdery?"

***

"Did you consider what the Followers of the Apocalypse would do with an influx of luxury chefs, before inviting them all to the Old Mormon Fort?"

"I did! Get them in touch with Anderson's co-op, start a restaurant here in Freeside- there's that building across from the Kings, it's been empty for ages. We've been talking about how the only place to go around here is the Atomic Wrangler. Maybe, it'll be easier to help wean people off addictions if we can present them with a simple, pleasant alternative where the food's more important than the chems and gambling..."

Julie taps a pencil, nods dryly. Arcade's problem- and his saving grace- is that he has an answer for everything.

Literally saving, no less.

5\. Courier

"What remained of my restaurant staff have defected, my hotel is dotted with bullet holes, and my professional reputation is shattered," Mortimer complains. "Courier, did you think I wouldn't realise this sabotage?"

"...actually, I'm surprised you took this long to notice." 

"Enough!"

Mortimer's knife is very sharp.

***  
"...exquisite."

"Decadent. Such savoury cooking."

The White Gloves put down their forks, sated and pleased.

"I hope you all found this repast as pleasant as I did. If I might have your attention, to discuss the man who envisioned this meal and made it possible..."

The Courier smiles at them all, teeth bared.


End file.
